July 19, 2011
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Bust your windows.
I never considered myself someone with trust issues or anything like that. I mean, sure, I have baggage from past experiences, but who doesn't? But recently, I'm starting to think of myself as slightly (understatement) neurotic.I don't think it is an abrupt development. More like a dormant volcano waiting for the right time to erupt. And I know it's not right. I shouldn't be feeling this way.
What Jeremy did to me in the past was wrong. I know that. He knows that. Everyone who witnessed it knows that. But I always held on to the belief that I had a huge part to play in it. Granted that despite everything that happened, I never once let him down. How could I when I was so crazy over him? Crazy enough to knowingly and consciously send him into the arms of another girl, just wishing and praying he would eventually come back.
Which brings me to my point. The moment I found out Jeremy was a lying, cheating bastard, I should have walked away. I should've known better. I should've taken the upper hand and orchestrated the drama. But instead, I gave him the power. Instead of making the clever choice of leaving and choosing my fate, I left it to him instead. I threw whatever pride I had away and begged him to stay. Why? When he should have been the one begging me.
Simply put, he let me down, but I wasn't smart enough to let him go. So while he created the heartbreak, I intentionally prolonged it. And then when he made the cruel choice to cut me off cold turkey, I hung on for months. Stupidity is my middle name.
And now I'm living with the laundry list of once having a cheating ex-boyfriend - Paranoid? Check. Sensitivity? Check. Overly-suspicious? Check.
And this is wrong. So wrong. And I hate him for that. I hate him for destroying my fairytale dream and filling me with all these uncertainties. Why should I be living with these nightmares while he gets to party it up with that slut he calls his girlfriend? So no more. I'm not gonna let him take over anymore.
No more walking around on eggshells and waiting for the other shoe to drop. I will cherish my relationship and only think positively. This means too much to me to pollute it with unnecessary baggage.
And honestly, I'm so glad he screwed up the way he did. Because otherwise, I wouldn't have found what I have right now. And I wouldn't be this happy.
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back around (hey my baby)
What goes around comes back aroundThere was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy I must've been outta my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I saw the real youThank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
So baby good lookin' outI wanted you bad
I'm so through with that
Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had
I bet it sucks to be you right nowSo sad, you're hurt
Boo hoo, oh, did you expect me to care?
You don't deserve my tears
I guess that's why they ain't there
When I think that there was a time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and baby yes I saw the real youThank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
Baby good lookin' out
I wanted you bad
I'm so through with that
Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
I said, you turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'll never be the best thing you never had
Oh baby I bet sucks to be you right nowI know you want me back
It's time to face the facts
That I'm the one that's got away
Lord knows that it would take another place, another time, another world, another life
Thank God I found the good in goodbye
I used to want you so bad
I'm so through with that
Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I will always be the, best thing you never had.
Best thing you never had
I used to want you so bad
I'm so through with that
Cause honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
Oh you turned out to be the best thing I never had
Oh I will never be the best thing you never had
Oh baby, I bet it sucks to be you right nowGoes around, comes back around
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now
Goes around, comes back around
Bet it sucks to be you right now
