My little homemade drama on Saturday night just proved to me how badly Jeremy screwed me up previously. On hindsight, I feel so so stupid creating such a panic over something that doesn't even exist. Honestly, I don't even know what came over me. Insecurity floods my senses whenever I say goodbye to him. Almost like I don't know when I'll ever see him again. Which is evidently stupid because he loves me so much.

Saturday night was scary. Like something snapped in me. When we parted ways at the end of the night, I felt so lost. Uncontrollable tears which eventually led to a full-blown panic attack. It hurts me hearing how worried you were on the phone when I called you up crying hysterically. And I feel guilty for putting you through all that unnecessary panic. I need to learn how to overcome this separation anxiety.

All I know is - this relationship is perfect. This is possibly the kind of relationship that people dream of. I need to stop overthinking it, and waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's not coming. This is it. The world's most perfect relationship, and I am beyond blessed. I truly am. And deep down inside, I'm infinitely happy. I guess I'm so happy and so blessed that I'm afraid I'm gonna wake up someday and realize that this is all a dream.

I love you so much. Love you so much that I know how truly devastating it would be if I were ever to lose you. And that is why I promise never to leave you. No matter what happens, I will fight for this love. It is worth it. You're good for me. So good that every fiber in my being yearns for you. And you treat me well. I never thought someone could ever love me this much. But you do. You love me. And not just the person I pretend to be sometimes, but you love the real me.

You are the perfect one for me, and I would be a fool to let you go.

我　一直都想对妳说
妳给我想不到的快乐
像绿洲给了沙漠

说　妳会永远陪著我
做我的根　我翅膀
让我飞　也有回去的窝　

我愿意　我也可以
付出一切　也不会可惜
就在一起　看时间流逝
要记得我们相爱的方式

就是爱妳爱著妳
有悲有喜　有妳　平淡也有了意义
就是爱妳爱著妳
甜蜜又安心　那种感觉就是妳

I know it's too much to expect someone to be constantly there for you 24/7 to be your emotional sponge. No one deserves the duty of being a daily punching bag. Especially not mine, what with my eccentric mood swings and unreasonable behaviours. I know, I know, I need to be stronger than this... I've heard it all before. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you that you're right, they're wrong, and that the world is stupid. Even if it's a lie.

I'm just having a bad day. It may surprise you, but I don't have bad days very often. But when it sucks, it sucks big fat hairy monkey balls. Pardon my French.

I miss having friends. This is what happens when your immediate reaction to any kind of hurt is to build up walls and push people away.

Today's just one of those days where you doubt yourself and wonder if you bit off a little more than you can chew. And tonight is just one of those nights where I want to tune out the world, lie in bed, and cry.

A simple way of spicing up a boring ol' ponytail!

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I've had a lot of fun since working here at MTV Asia. I've always pride myself on being someone who values passion over money, and while sometimes that does not necessarily pay off, I have to say that at the end of the day, as I lie in bed and think back on my daily activities and chores, I am happier and satisfied. I may not have a high-paying job that allows me to splurge. But I'm doing a job that I enjoy and love. It's a tough industry - underpaid, overworked. You have no weekends or public holidays, and you work long hours. But I honestly cannot imagine myself doing anything else. I love this.

And I'm lucky to have gotten a job at this company. It's not a permanent job, and it's just a matter of time before my contract expires, but for what it's worth, I'm having so much fun. It's exciting and stimulating to be able to work on a show that not only gets broadcasted on a weekly basis, but also have a loyal hoard of fans. It makes all the hard work worthwhile. And of course, getting to meet celebrities and attend high-profiled events are just icing on the already very beautiful cake!

At the Laneway festival...

When Evanescence came down to our studio for a shoot...

With Korean boyband, Boyfriend...

With Malaysian singer, Yuna...

With my childhood boyband, A1!!!!!

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A couple of weeks ago, Kane and I went to catch Wong Fu Productions live in Singapore. Now if you've been following this blog for a long time, you should know that I am a huge fan of Wong Fu. In fact, I'm gonna be terribly hipster and say that I was a fan and subscriber of Wong Fu even before Wong Fu became cool or famous. I was following them 3 years ago, when they didn't have such a massive following. So when I found out that Wong Fu was coming to Singapore, I flipped out. I knew that I had to go see them. And I did!

They were amazing! These guys have been such an inspiration to me for the past 3 years. They started out just by being 3 regular Asian dudes on Youtube making short videos and comedies, and now they have gained international recognition.

They have taught me that you don't need fancy equipments, excessive manpower, or a big budget to make a good film. All you need is passion, drive, and willpower. It's about putting what you believe in and true feelings in a script. This is what filmmaking is all about. This is what passion is all about. WONG FU 4 LYFE!!

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On a completely separate note..... I've went ahead and done something that I have been so hesitant and chicken about.... I made my first makeup video! I was hesitant at first because I was afraid to appear on camera bare-faced. I mean, I don't exactly have very bad skin, but I'm not confident about how I look. Apart from that, I was afraid of criticism and lack of support. But this video just proved me all wrong! The amount of encouragement and support I got on Facebook was astounding! I am so thankful for having all these people in my life!

I had the most incredible weekend with the love of my life! My boyfriend and I decided we needed a little getaway from the complexities in life. We didn't have the time (or money) to travel out of the country, so we figured a weekend staycation was in order!

It was a tedious process though - trying to find the perfect location in Singapore for our getaway that was reasonable, and would not puncture a hole in our pockets. After much online searching, I found a hotel that was not only within our budget, but it also got an excellent rating. Without much hesitation, I booked the hotel - Park Avenue Rochester Hotels and Suites.

When we finally got there on Friday night, I was pleasantly surprised! I had no idea at all that our hotel was right smack in the middle of Rochester Park! We had all the swanky restaurants and eateries right downstairs, and we were a stone's throw away from Holland Village! Not only that, our hotel room was magnificent! It had a separate bedroom and living room, complete with a fully functioning kitchen (cooking equipments ALL provided) and even a washing machine!

We ate like kings and queens the entire 3 days and 2 nights we were there. We had our first dinner at Da Paolo's Bistro Bar, woke up early for brunch the next morning at Graze etc. All at Rochester Park! Also, we decided we wanted to have a romantic candlelight dinner on our second night. However, do you know how much fine dining costs?! So we did what we do best - innovate. We walked over to Holland Village, bought a bunch of Wendy's fastfood and a candle, laid them out on all the swanky plates provided in our hotel room, and we had our own DIY candlelight dinner!

We had a fantastic weekend, no doubt! We spent most of our time eating, and then just cuddling in front of the TV. On our second night, we watched 'When Harry Met Sally' while drinking some light booze.

The weekend cannot be more perfect! And nothing beats spending time with someone you love. I feel so blessed to have someone who likes the same things I do, and who never complains even when I suggest the weirdest things.

I you!!

What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them?
What are words if they're only for good times then they don't?
When it's love, yeah, you say them out loud those words
They never go away
They live on, even when we're gone

The day I met you, I was wrong about love.

I thought love was good for nothing. That it brings nothing but empty promises and useless expectations. I thought it meant nights of endless crying. I thought it meant shutting out the rest of the world out so you can linger in pain. I thought it meant losing your best friend. I thought it meant that heart-dropping pang of ache when you see him with someone else.

The first time I saw you, you had me at hello. I was careful not to look too interested, and careful about making sure I didn't let my guard down. I was fresh out of mourning over 2 heartbreaks - confident, yet cautious. But when you shook my hand that day, I swear to God I had goosebumps.

After our first meeting, I was frustrated. I wanted to get to know you better, but I knew better than to make the first move. What would you think of a girl who was so bold? But I was also impatient. I thought: "What do I have to lose?" It's not like I have never had my heart broken before. It's not like I never felt pain. What's one more rejection? I made sure to be coy, and not overly flirtatious. Technology.... oh technology. The wonders of technology.

When we met for the second time, I remembered telling myself: "Are you sure this is the guy? The last time I saw him, he wasn't that cute." Armed with my precious cousin who was to be my wingman, I made my slow approach. I remembered being shocked by your warmth. At how friendly you are. I remembered being lost in your kind eyes. Oh those beautiful kind eyes.

When I went home that night, I decided that I wanted to get to know you. Even if it were to be just friends.

The first time we went out, I could hardly catch my breath. I remembered standing in front of my wardrobe thinking hard about what to wear that made me look attractive enough, and yet not like a slut. Because you were worth more than that. You were worth working my ass off to make you fall for my personality, instead of just flashing some cleavage. I decided upon an outfit that was entirely unlike me - jeans (yuck). I was surprised at how open you are about everything. About how easy you were to talk to. That you never once made any demeaning or offensive comment about how I look (which trust me, I've had a lot in the past).

The third time you asked me out, I was so sure I misunderstood what you were saying. After all, I carried what I call the 'second-date jinx'. True story. It was my new track record. Never once have I felt so stress-free and... 'myself'. I'm awkward as hell... Y U NOOO JUDGE ME?

I keep thinking about life before I met you, and it was a joke. I tried so hard to be sadness personified, and yet you swooped in and saved me. I didn't need you and I wasn't looking for you, but now that you're here, I don't know how to function without you.

Everything was worth it. Every tear shed, every heart broken, every lesson learnt - it was worth it.

I've made a choice, and my choice is you. And from this day forth, I will work for this relationship like I've never worked before. I will never leave you, no matter what happens. We've been together for more than a year and never had a single fight, but that fight will come someday. I know things will get hard, and life will get in the way. But as long as there is love, I will work, and I will stay. As long as there is love, 'breaking up' is not an option.

I love you. And you don't leave someone you love.

"Dan: And you left him, just like that?
Alice: It's the only way to leave. "I don't love you anymore. Goodbye."
Dan: Supposing you do still love them?
Alice: You don't leave.
Dan: You've never left someone you still love?
Alice: Nope."

- 'Closer'