I have this irrational fear that one day you will wake up and realise that I'm really not that great. Then you'll stop loving me.

And nothing frightens me more than that.

I recently found out that an ex-boyfriend is getting married in 3 months. Just to be clear, I did not actively seek information like this. For some reason, it always gets thrown in my face.

To be honest, I did wonder who the unlucky girl is. Is it the same girl he left me for? If it is, well then good for him. In fact, I wish it is the same girl. Cause then at least I know he made the right choice and I know that I was in pain for a greater good.

So many years has past. 5 years to be exact. Whatever hate I had or anger is gone. In fact, I need to thank him. Thank him for letting me go. Cause I know the kind of person I am, and I know how much I can give. If he didn't give me up, just maybe I would have loved him forever. And if I loved him forever, I would never have had the current life I have now. And that would be the biggest regret and mistake. I don't think I would ever be this happy. And I know it's pointless to say that now, but it is something I truly believe in.

Every now and then, I am still very thankful for what happened back then. Everything that happened led me to this point in my life now. And honestly, I am at the happiest I have ever and could ever be. Every heartache and every betrayal just taught me how to love better. It taught me how to be a better person.

So I guess there is no more hate and anger, just gratitude. So thank you. Yes - thank you.

Thank you for being a colossal dick.