I laugh when people find it hard to believe that I'm a loner. I've always been that kind of person. I guess, I need to know that if I'm giving a hundred percent, I expect the other person to be trying just as hard too. When I realise that there is even a slightest hint of someone not trying hard enough, I start building my wall.

You know what is worse than having no friends? Ans: Having fair-weathered friends.

Friendship evolves as you grow older. It plays a different part in various stages of your life. I think I've reached a time and stage in my life where I no longer need the validation of others to prove my self-worth. I no longer need to impress anyone. Friendship, for me right now, is more a beacon of support. To know that I'm not alone in this cruel world.

I'm okay with saying that I have no friends. I honestly don't. I have tonnes of acquaintances. But I've been thinking - I realise that if I were single right now, and if anything were to happen to me, there is no one I could call and talk to. No one. If I didn't have my boyfriend right now, I would have no one. 

How does that make me feel? I don't know. On one hand, I don't have to put up with any bullshit friends throw in your face. But at the same time, it gets lonely. 

I lost the one person in my life I could really talk to. I screwed everything up and now we don't even talk. So I'm left with nothing now. How did it get to this?

But I'm so sick and tired of always having to chase people around. I'm so sick and tired of always being second best. It's bad enough that I had an ex-boyfriend who treated me like dirt, who treated me like an option he could discard at any moment. But to be treated like this by friends too?

How can you call someone your 'best friend' and yet have absolutely no regard at all for how that person is doing? My point is this, if you love someone, truly love someone, you will find time. Everything else is just excuses - work, busy, yada yada - excuses. I found time. I always found time. But I can't cater to your needs anymore. I'm done with being second best. I'm done with being an option.

I'm not an option. I am a choice. I should be a choice. I'm special. I'm precious. And I can be a damn good friend if required. I give and I give. And I never ever ask for anything in return, just care and concern. 

The next time you happen to think about me, you call me. I'm done with all the texting and shit. The next time you're bored and happen to wanna meet up, you arrange for everything. I'm done with being the party planner and then having you blow me off. No more facebook wall posts or 'I miss you' texts. Put your money where your mouth is.

I'm learning to let go. I think this is what's good for me. 'Cause god knows I'm done with doing what's good for us.

On Sunday night, I found out that the father of my favourite singer, David Tao, passed away. I was overwhelmed with sadness. I suppressed my grief and went to bed, but last night, I was hit with the cold hard facts, and I found it extremely difficult to ignore.

Those who have known me since secondary school would know how obsessed I am with David Tao. I don't talk about it often, neither do I have giant posters of him plastered on my bedroom wall, but this man has impacted my life greatly. Honestly, I don't even know what kind of a person I would be if it weren't for him. It might seem silly, ridiculous even, to give so much credit to someone who doesn't even know I exist. But the fact is this, his music has helped me and touched me in ways I never thought possible.

For those who don't know, David Tao is an American-Chinese singer from Taiwan. He used to be a hit songwriter, writing for many veteran Chinese singers, before he released his own album in 1997. He is known to have brought the R&B genre of music into the Chinese music industry, thus being known as the Godfather of Chinese R&B.

When I entered secondary school, I was lost. I could not get used to the transition, and I found myself mixing with the wrong company. I got into some trouble in school because of that, and caused quite a bit of grief with my parents. I did not get along with my mother, fighting with her every other day because I thought she didn't know what I was 'going through'. When I entered secondary 2, I came across David Tao. At that time, he had just released his 3rd studio album 'Black Tangerine', which was a major hoo-ha back then because he had a 3-year hiatus.

'Black Tangerine' spoke to me like a beam of light. David Tao wrote that album mainly as a response to the September 11 attacks. It was an attack on his home and he felt strongly about it. I eventually bought that album, one of the very first Chinese albums I have ever bought in my entire life. When I went home and listened to that album, I remembered searching the Chinese dictionary because I wanted to understand the lyrics, and my grasp of the language at that time was not very good. When I finally understood the words, I broke down in tears. His songs spoke about hope, faith, and most importantly love. I realised how stupid and immature I was living in self-pity and thinking that the world revolved around me.

David Tao brought me back to church. His songs made me want to become a better person. I mended my relationship with God, as well as my mother. I left my bad company and found new friends. I wanted to improve. David Tao also gave me a passion for film. I have been to every single one of his concerts in Singapore, and I own every single one of his albums. His views on Christianity, life, love and hope has changed me for the better.

Needless to say, David Tao has a special place in my heart. I am confidently and firmly admit that he is my idol - someone I want to emulate, and someone who inspires me deeply.

I know how much David Tao loves his father. And Uncle Tao is an amazing man. Apart from being a singer/songwriter, he also created children's programmes and used to be an animator at Walt Disney in America. He is a loving father and a doting husband. I have seen his numerous interviews and his sense of humour is so inspiring. He has brought up a wonderful son in every way and form. I respect Uncle Tao, and I am so sad that he is no longer here.

Most of all, I feel pain because I cannot imagine what David Tao might be going through right now.... losing his father. I wish I could somehow be there for him. I know this sounds so silly, and I can't really articulate how I feel either.

Rest in peace, Uncle Tao. You were an incredible person. And I know you've done all that you could on earth, so now you're back where you belong, in heaven with God.

RIP Uncle Tao.