March 24, 2014

  • How long will I love you?

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    How long will I love you?
    As long as stars are above you
    And longer if I can
    How long will I need you?
    As long as the seasons need to
    Follow their plan

    How long will I be with you?
    As long as the sea is bound to
    Wash up on the sand

    How long will I want you?
    As long as you want me to
    And longer by far
    How long will I hold you?
    As long as your father told you
    As long as you can

    How long will I give to you?
    As long as I live through you
    However long you say

    How long will I love you?
    As long as stars are above you
    And longer if I may

    How long will I love you?
    As long as stars are above you

March 12, 2014

March 5, 2014

February 25, 2014

  • Poison

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    Today I went through old tweets just out of curiosity, and to see how much I have changed. I discovered a part of me I don’t even recognize anymore. Damn I used to be passive aggressive. Not only that, I was delusional and downright irritating. It is a no wonder you couldn’t stand me.

    That being said, I cannot imagine the amount of hate we used to have for each other. The kinds of passive aggressive tweets we exchanged. Reading it today rekindled old pains. How did we use to be so toxic?

    Till this day I wonder – did you really hate me that much back then?

    When I look back at the words I allowed myself to say to you, and the mistakes that I thought were more than okay to be making, I feel overwhelmed with embarrassment and regret. I just want to go back and wipe those ugly moments from your memory. There are only so many fights, so many words we don’t really mean hurled at each other before we both have to look in the mirror and say, “Okay, this isn’t working.”

    I hope you understand that I will always care for you, in the way one might a distant friend you’ve lost touch with but still long to laugh with every so often. And I hope you’re well. I hope you’re living life the way you wanted to, and have gained enough perspective to know, as I know, that some things don’t have to last forever to have value.

February 11, 2014

January 17, 2014

  • Growing Up

    kcians

    Reunited once again! 13 years of friendship. We have literally known each other for half our lives now! We were so tight back in Secondary School. And of course, we’re all grown ups now and different priorities. We don’t see each other that much anymore, but we make an effort to have a reunion at least once a year. Unfortunately, the past couple of years, we always had certain people who couldn’t make it. When you have a clique of 11 girls, it’s so hard to match schedules. Thankfully, we miraculously managed to get everyone together! The whole, full gang!

    It’s also nice how despite not seeing each other much, whenever we do meet, it feels just like old times. It’s fun reminiscing about the good old days – talking about the crap we used to do back in school, driving the teachers nuts with our weird antics, driving ourselves nuts with studies and exams, detentions and recess… Ahh… teenagehood was fun.

    Now all we talk about work and life, and it does feel a little weird. The fact that we are able to sit around the table and just discuss each other’s jobs and stuff really makes you feel like an adult. To think that just 9 years ago, all we had to worry about is homework and exams.

    I love these girls to infinity and beyond!

January 12, 2014

  • My One and Only

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    “You need someone who will lift you up. Who has as much drive and ambition as you do.
    Who wants to go to the places you want to go. Who will support you on the way there. Someone who isn’t jealous of your accomplishments, but praises them.
    Someone who isn’t looking to compete with you, but be in a partnership. ”

January 8, 2014

  • 2014

    2014

    And just like that. We’re into the new year again. I’m not the only one who felt like 2013 went by extra fast right?

    Once again, I’ve got nothing bad to say about my year. For once in my life, I am not alone – literally and metaphorically. I feel like my life is finally going somewhere. I finally have direction. And that feels superb. Whatever bad that happened in the past feels lightyears away. I have never been more loved before in my life, and I don’t even remember what it feels like to be sad anymore.

    I’m finally content and learning each day how to be satisfied with my life. There are so many things I am grateful for, but that being said, there are so many things I would like to change. I’m only human after all. But despite the yearning for change, I am learning to accept reality for what it is. But in no way am I settling. Yearning for change means striving to be better. It means the determination to work harder and to do something to make a difference.

    In 2013, I have finally learnt to let go of some people in my life. People change, and friends go away. That’s life. It’s nothing to be too suicidal over. Some failed friendships are like dairy products – you leave it on the shelf for too long past its expiration date and it starts to curdle. Better to just let go of it. I don’t need unnecessary baggage anyway.

    Some friendships though, I managed to rekindle. And that makes me so happy. At the last leg of 2013, I felt like I managed to connect with you again. Isn’t it strange how tragedies always seem to bring us back together? And as easily as I got you back, I feel like you’re slipping through my fingers again. What’s wrong with us? How did something that used to be so natural now seem so forced and artificial? I thought I left you in good hands. Now that things fell through again… all I can say is that I wish you love for 2014. I wish you find whatever it is you’re looking for. Just like how I’ve found mine.

    2014 is the year of working hard. This is the year we work to make our dreams come true. That’s all I’m going to focus on for now. And trust me, I’m gonna work my ass off. I’ve waited far too long for this and I ain’t getting any younger. There are some things in life you just can’t give up on.

    I’m so glad I have the most beautiful people beside me to work with me and to motivate me. I’m so glad I have Kane, who I love more than life itself. I’m so glad I have my parents, who I would lay down my life for. I’m so glad I have the most loving and generous family who always makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

    Life is good and love is in abundance. 2014 is going to be a great year. :)

December 12, 2013

  • Separation Anxiety

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    Separation anxiety disorder (SAD) is a psychological condition in which an individual experiences excessive anxiety regarding separation from home or from people to whom the individual has a strong emotional attachment (e.g. a parent, grandparents, or siblings).

    - Recurrent excessive distress when anticipating or experiencing separation from home or from major attachment figures.

    - Persistent and excessive worry about losing major attachment figures or about possible harm to them, such as illness, injury, disasters, or death.

    - Persistent and excessive worry about experiencing an untoward event (e.g., getting lost, being kidnapped, having an accident, becoming ill) that causes separation from a major attachment figure.

    - Persistent reluctance or refusal to go out, away from home, to school, to work, or elsewhere because of fear of separation.

    - Persistent and excessive fear of or reluctance about being alone or without major attachment figures at home or in other settings.

    - Persistent reluctance or refusal to sleep away from home or to go to sleep without being near a major attachment figure.

    - Repeated nightmares involving the theme of separation.

    - Repeated complaints of physical symptoms (such as headaches, stomachaches, nausea, or vomiting) when separation from major attachment figures occurs or is anticipated.

December 11, 2013

  • Panic Attacks

    saving

    In just one sentence, you summed up everything I was feeling so swiftly.

    For years I have been battling with anxiety and panic attacks. I don’t remember when it first happened. I don’t remember what caused it. I only remember that feeling of having your heart torn out while your chest throbs with a shooting pain, gasping for air in between sobs, and slowly sinking to your feet while you feel the room close in on you. You’re trapped and all you can do is try to calm down.

    I have never been diagnosed. My family tends to practise subtlety when it comes to physical ailments and calamities. In fact, no one knows about my panic attacks. No one but you.

    I used to wonder why I have them. I’m not particularly distressed or feeling pressurized in any way. I lead a happy, normal life and I should not be breaking down midday trying to catch my breath. What was plaguing me?

    And you summed it up beautifully – I just have too many emotions, but with no outlet of release.

    And just like that, I understand.